One thing I have desired of the Lord,Psalm 27:4 NKJV
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the [a]beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
David is said to have been a man after God’s own heart, something which we all wish to do and accomplish as we go through our days in this world—today I try to strive towards this, but like everyone else, I wasn’t. I used to not love this Psalm like I do today. I wasn’t even aware that this would be one of those verses that would help me see through the hardest points of my life with even the slightest of clear eyes. Before I became The Faithful Nerd, I was a nerd without faith.
I was pretty much a sheltered kid growing up, so a bit of anime and video games were my main source for entertainment. As far as spiritually goes, I was cognitively aware of a “God” thanks to my grandma; my grandma was pretty much the only way I was even aware about Jesus and such. My views on Him did get sour when my parents divorced. Like any kid, I blamed Him for separating my parents and leaving me with a situation that wasn’t the best for a soon-to-be preteen. It got to the point where even hearing His name gave me a “cringe” and hearing praise music was borderline unbearable for me to hear; this attitude kept going all until 2008 when my mom forced me and my siblings to attend a summer event called Vacation Bible School at a church down the road.
The mom who never forced us to go to church sought it fit to make us go just to pry us away from our game consoles and do something other than sit on our butts, and I was not happy going to church. I found it lame and cheesy seeing people sing these tacky themed songs about Jesus and His love while people clapped and danced—I had do deal with this for about four days until the real meat and bones of the true nature of VBS was displayed. Pastor Mike and his volunteers ushered us to accept Christ and publicly show our wanting to cast off sin by hanging black trash bags on our shoulders and coming to the altar. My twin did with tears in her eyes, but I didn’t go, pretty much due to thinking it was all stupid. (This is actually important, as today things are much different) It wasn’t sticking with me, this whole schtick of needing forgiveness and freedom of sin, but all it takes is a tiny seed to spring forth a mighty tree—I had no idea that seed was already planted in me.
Call it what you will, but I truly think the Holy Spirit was working in my heart after VBS. I fell in love with an older lady I call my church grandma today, and if going to church was able to let me see her and eat her amazing food, then I would keep going. I would attend church with my twin through the months, and going each and every Sunday made me start to realize that there was something more to Jesus than I originally thought—that He died out of unconditional love for me even though I felt really unworthy of everything. It was hard enough I was dealing with a lot of pressure from stuff at home and the internal pressure of a changing biology and severe low self esteem, so the thought of God loving a stupid kid who saw herself ugly and unworthy of everything was impossible; little by little and sermon by sermon, my thoughts and attitude towards Jesus changed, and I finally accepted Christ in January of 2009. My twin and I got baptized together two months later, and I never looked back.
Remember when I noted that my twin accepting Christ first was going to play an important part to my day of salvation? It actually does, because I’m eleven years on my walk with Christ—I’m doing the best I can to remind my twin of His love and to pick up where she left off. Being on this walk has led me through fiery trials and heart breaking situations, but I don’t regret one single day going through those and still turning to Him in prayer and praise. I forgave Him of my parents divorce and bringing in my life the best stepdad I could ever ask for, and in return He forgave me of my sins and loves me unconditionally.
The Psalm you see above was a Psalm that became my inner anthem when I went through my hard days after accepting Christ. It has kept and still keeps my eyes focused on Him, but I had to accept Him in order to even see Him. He’s given me so much joy in my life, and He shall continue to do so in this nerd’s life. He is the delight of my eyes, and He has redeemed me by casting my sins as far as the east is from the west.
I hope this gives you even the slightest bit of encouragement—even nerds like me are redeemable and perhaps there are some who see this that have been already. As we grip our controllers and binge watch some good shounen, let us all desire to dwell in His house and be in His presence. This is The Faithful Nerd, being in a body of other faithful nerds living for Christ.